The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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