Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
