Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
