remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
