there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
