we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
