I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
love makes seman taste better
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
