Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
pray to the hookup gods
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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