Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
