I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
