So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
