I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
