Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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