can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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