I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
