Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
