we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
