$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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