my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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