You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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