last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
