Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
