I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
