JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
