I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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