I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
