I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
