remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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