dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
