So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
