she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
