I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
