Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
