Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
