Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
