my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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