there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
