i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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