NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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