there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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