Tell her she can't have a vagina
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I intend to get homeless drunk
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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