drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
