We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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