I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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