He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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