Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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