Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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