So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
