just tell him i said nine months
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
