i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
