instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
