The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
