She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
