just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
